Throughout her career, Modern Family actor Sarah Hyland has been open and honest about her health issues, including endometriosis and a chronic kidney condition that led to her receiving two kidney transplants in the last six years.
Sarah often uses her experiences to inspire fans who may have gone through something similar — like when she posted a Fourth of July photo proudly showing off her transplant scars — but she’s also been open in the past about how the issues with her physical health affected her mentally.
In an interview with Self last month, Sarah revealed she had become depressed and contemplated suicide after the first kidney transplant failed.
At that time I was very depressed, for a long time I was contemplating suicide. I had gone through 26 years of always being a burden, of always having to be looked after, having to be cared for, because I’ve always had health issues. And it’s a really helpless feeling.
During an appearance on The Ellen Show on Friday, Sarah opened up further about her experience of depression and explained how she eventually got herself out of it.
“I have an amazing job and an amazing support system, but at the time I was 26, and after 26 years of always being sick and always being in chronic pain every single day, and when you don’t know when you’re going to have the next good day, it’s really really hard,” she said.
She went on to say she would mentally write suicide notes to her loved ones explaining why she did it, and assuring them that it wasn’t their fault.
I would write letters in my head to loved ones of why I did it, my reasoning behind it, how it was nobody’s fault. I didn’t write it down on paper because I didn’t want anybody to find it, that’s how serious I was.
But she also explained that she got through that period of her life after admitting to a friend that she needed to start seeing a therapist.
“Whether you have anxiety or depression or suicidal thoughts, every individual is different, so I wouldn’t just rely on everything that I say,” she went on. “I’m just sharing my story, but I think talking to someone and saying it out loud really puts it into perspective.”
You can watch Sarah’s interview in full on EllenTube.
If you are thinking about suicide or just need to talk to someone, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text HOME to 741741, the Crisis Text Line. If you’re in the UK, call the Samaritans on 116 123, and here are suicide helplines to use internationally.